okay hi! my name's ellie, hence elliefishes. i had started writing about really not even surface level shit. like, i almost put my hobbies and shit like that down, but you don't care about that. why would you? i could also write about how oo i'm such a tortured artist and nobody understands me, but that isn't really me either. the full, ugly truth is that i don't know who i am. i don't know what the fuck i'm doing here. i'm wasting time until i die too young, but i've been getting a sneaking suspicion that that's all life is. just filling the time. maybe i'm in a rut. maybe nothing matters at all. hell, maybe i'm wrong and the point is to eat as many pints of ice cream as you can and you get ranked based on how many you had when you get to ice cream heaven. it's all nonsense. so who cares? shut up and enjoy the ride. or scream as loud as you want. it's your ride too, baby. i'm just sittin on the tracks.

what i'm watching

my hero academia
grey's anatomy
demon slayer
sakamoto days
gilmore girls

Cigarette tally

I've been smoking since I was 14 years old. I initially started because a girl that I was madly in love with smoked, and I wanted her to like me. Turns out, she only started smoking because she thought I did and wanted me to like her. Cute how addictions start, huh?
Anyway, that was over a decade ago, and now I want to quit smoking. I've cut back quite a bit, and now really only smoke excessively while I'm drinking. I figured a good way to get myself to actually quit would be a form of public shaming.
I'm going to keep track of every cigarette I smoke, and log it here.

Cigarettes smoked since launching this site:


IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII III